Made of glass

Today has been incredibly frustrating. I’m desperately trying to find a balance between people who treat me like I’m made of glass…and then people who pile too much on me at once. I don’t know which is worse, or which drives me crazier. I have a lot on my mind most of the time…that’s just how I am. When you live a life that’s involved in addiction (one way or another)…it’s easy to get overloaded. Your mind is so busy focusing on the craziness in your life, that simple everyday problems seem to be that much harder to deal with. Or situations that would normally seem difficult, are nearly impossible to work through.

                Like I said, there are two ways that people treat me. Some completely ignore the fact that I’m stressed and pile things on…even when I tell them I can’t handle it. You would think telling someone “I’m sorry but right now, I can’t deal with this” would get the point across. But somehow…some people don’t seem to get it. They think because you’ve dealt with a lot and you’re a “strong” person…you should just learn to cope better. Learn to “figure it out.” I’ve gotten to the point (especially today) where it doesn’t matter to me what these people “need” immediately. I need things too, and I can’t help them, until I’m personally ok.

                The other group…are the people who act like they have to walk on eggshells around me. I will be the first to admit that sometimes I snap. Sometimes I get a little too high strung and I lose it for a second. I get overwhelmed easily…but I mean can you really blame me? There’s a lot going on in this head of mine. But it doesn’t mean that I can’t be talked to. It doesn’t mean that I have to be “protected.” This whole post came from something I found out on Facebook today. A good friend announced her pregnancy…something that she’s been wanting for a long time, and has known about for months. I felt so hurt, that it wasn’t something she would tell me before posting it. Yet when I asked her about it…she just said she “didn’t want to upset me.”

                I have been through a lot, and I can handle a lot. But I want to be treated like any other friend would be. I’m not going to break if I hear something that hurts me. I may have to do a little damage repair after the fact…but it’s not going to kill me. I need people to stop acting crazy around me…I can’t recover if everyone tries to cover me in bubble wrap. I’ll be fine if I’m given the chance to be.