"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Tissues for your issues

So as I’ve made it pretty clear all over Facebook and Twitter…the article came out this morning. It was mind blowing to see my face right there in print. The response I’ve gotten from it already is absolutely insane. Hundreds of views on the blog…emails…comments…phone calls…text messages. Friends of mine that I rarely talk to are coming to me about abuse that they went through as children…that I had NO idea about until now. This is exactly what I wanted from this blog…and I am so excited that I got a chance to pair up with such an awesome reporter. It’s a great article, with so much helpful information for people. I really hope that it reaches the people that need it.
                I keep getting a lot of comments from people about the picture…and my now famous kitty Gizmo. I find it funny because as I type this, he’s curled in my lap just like in the picture…trying to steal my hairband off of my wrist. Anyone that wants an idea of the “real me”…there it is. I’m just like anybody else…I write this blog from the comfort of my couch or bed, with two kitties fighting for my attention, usually climbing all over the keyboard.
                Now for the real reason I started writing this post. I know that there’s going to be controversy over this article. It’s already kind of started actually. As it says in the article…people tend to view the victims of domestic violence as less of a person because of the things they’ve been through. They assume we’re “damaged” and that we basically can’t function normally. And as ridiculous as this may sound…anyone who thinks that way is out of their damn minds.
                Victims of domestic violence aren’t weak. If anything…they are the strongest people you’ve ever met. Do they have issues? Absolutely! I’ve got enough baggage to keep Continental in business for the next 10 years. But in NO way does that make me weak. Carrying all that baggage around has made me stronger…and the more that gets piled on…the stronger I get. The more I can deal with. It’s like that for most victims.
                You might be wondering where this is coming from. I was reading over the article again today online…and saw that there were comments. Part of me was tempted to ignore them…but “curiosity killed the Kat” and of course I read them. One was very supportive…and the other irked me a little bit. "Why follow someone's blog who hasn't overcome her own issues yet? If you have gone thru this yourself then please seek PROFESSIONAL advise from people trained to help." Now first of all…I have to say that I DO agree with the end of that sentence. If there’s a problem…and you need help…you should absolutely go for professional help. I’m not a medical professional in any way…and I’m not “trained” to give advice for any of this. But there’s a big BUT coming…I lived it. For YEARS I had “professionals” in my face, telling me how to deal with something that they had never experienced. And I HATED that. Reading about something in a book, and being able to “treat” something that you’ve read about…is completely different from LIVING it. I got more help and more support from support groups, and people that had been in my shoes. Sure, we all had different experiences…but we still understood. And that’s what a big part of this article was about…agencies in our area seeing the need for more programs to help with that. Now again…I agree with getting professional help, and will always push that. But sometimes “professional help” doesn’t help…it just frustrates.
                And now for the first part of the comment. At first, I wanted to be immature and make some kind of snotty comment in response. But then I stepped back and thought about it. The blog is about overcoming issues. I’m not perfect, but neither are you. I don’t care who you are…we ALL have “issues”. I’m just very open with mine. I hope that the struggles I have, can help someone else. If something good can come out of the things that I went through…then it was all worth it. I’m sure there are other people that are going through something similar…and they need to know that they’re not alone. Not only that, but they need to know that the way they’re feeling, isn’t in any way wrong. There are two options in life…you can sit around, pretend you’re perfect and that everything is always good…but silently be miserable…OR you can admit that life is HARD, downright impossible sometimes. And you can learn from your mistakes. You can grow from your hardships…and you can help other people struggling with you.
                So no…I haven’t “overcome my issues” yet. But quick note…I’m never going to. The things I went through, will always be with me. My PTSD…will probably always be with me as well. And I’m glad. I can handle anything because of it. I don’t want to overcome my issues…I want to grow with them. I want to use them to help other people. Putting my shortcoming out in the open doesn’t make me weak…doesn’t make me less of a person…it makes me ten times more likely to be able to help someone else. And that’s what’s important. Overcoming all types of abuse and domestic violence is the point…not attempting to make myself “perfect”. After all…I like my scars…they make me unique J


  1. Wouldn't change a thing about my childhood either. I agree. It's not about "getting sympathy" it's about helping the others going through it. Don't know about you, but there are alot of programs out there for the offender and spousal victim....but we (the courts) need to do ALL we can to help the kids!!!!! We made it through and continue to rise up each morning, one day at a time, and thank God for the sunshine!

  2. Kathy I love your input! And I completely agree with you! The only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to get to the kids early on...before they develop deep psychological issues. Not that you can't help later as well...but it's most effective if you get them help and support before the abuse is hard wired into their brains. Thank you for your positivity! This planet needs more people like you!

  3. PS.....I am the K in the News-Herald! lol