So I mentioned the word victim in one of my last posts. It’s been on my mind since the article hit the newspaper a few weeks ago. My mom had reposted the link to the article on her Facebook and mentioned how she didn’t agree with me being a victim like the article said. It got me thinking about how people label “victims”…and I have to say…I don’t like it. Many times when I’ve told someone about the things I’ve been through, they assume I’m less of a person. They assume that I’m damaged, and can’t function like any “normal” person. It drives me absolutely insane. I have been through hell and back…there is no question about it. I was victimized by someone I should have been able to trust. But that does NOT make me a victim. It makes me a fighter. And that goes for anyone that’s been through hard things in their life. No matter the outcome…whether it led them down a bad path or a good one…they’re still fighters. They survived it…and they learned from it.
A coworker of mine apologized to me the other day…saying she was sorry I’d been through all that I have. I get that a lot…people apologizing for something that they had nothing to do with, and couldn’t have changed anyways. I used to say thank you…and then would go on my way. But this time I told her not to apologize. Not only is it not her fault…but I also don’t want sympathy. You ready for some real crazy talk? I’m GLAD it happened. I’m THANKFUL it happened. I would not be half the person I am today without it all. I have bad days sometimes where I throw a pity party so large it rivals the Royal Wedding…but in the end I snap out of it. I’ve learned so much already in life…and I love it. One of the best parts is I know life can’t throw ANYTHING at me that I can’t handle. Even when things seem impossible and I’m hurting…I know that nothing can hurt me like my father did. If I could make it through the 14 years with him, and the continual hardships he throws at me…I can make it through anything else with flying colors. I told my coworker all of this, and I swear I thought her head was going to spin off. Thankful for the hard life I’d lived? Seems insane…and maybe it is. I don’t pretend to be normal by any means. My life is perfectly imperfect. It’s MY life. It was planned out and created only for me.
It feels good to be able to look at it all like that. I don’t want to be depressed, I don’t want to dwell. I want to learn, and I want to enjoy every second that I get on this planet. Because quite frankly, we don’t get long enough. I want to be happy, and I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to be remembered down the road as someone who didn’t take anything for granted…and made mistakes. Someone that wore her heart on her sleeve, despite people trying to break it.
One of my favorite quotes (that happens to be on this blog) is “Life always offers you a second chance…it’s called tomorrow.” There are days where I feel like I can’t possibly get out of bed, and I can’t keep it together. But I can…and I do. I always will. Because I’m alive...and you can be damn sure I’m going to LIVE.
A friend recently told me that my posts on Facebook are inspiring to her…and I about fell outta my chair. I ramble on Facebook and I put personal details on my page that irritate a lot of people (not that I really care). I do it because I don’t care when people see my flaws and my thoughts. They’re who I am…why shouldn’t it be public? You see what you get. She said that’s why she enjoyed them. Said that they were honest…and to be blunt…that made me incredibly happy. That’s exactly what I want…and that’s exactly what I am. I don’t pretend…and I don’t sugar coat. She mentioned the journey I’m on and wished me luck…and I appreciate it. This is a crazy new journey, a crazy new me…but I’m finally happy. Hard days? Yes. But overall happier and stronger person? 100%. I just hope my struggles can help other people find their happiness too.