Goodbye

In an attempt to distract myself today I took myself to get my hair done and relax for a bit. As I sat in the stylist's chair...I got a call. The nurse I've been speaking with called me to say that he was at my father's bedside and that it wouldn't be long now. He gave me the chance to tell my dad goodbye. He held the phone up to his ear so I could say what I needed to. What was said will always remain between me and my father...and I hope he actually heard me. 

I wish I could be there to hold his hand one more time and hug him...something I haven't done in 3 years. But at the same time...this gave me a small bit of peace. I was flustered...in public...and I'm sure I'll later think of all the things I could have said. But at least I got to say the basics. The 4 most important words. That's been a theme today...the hardest four words and the most important. 

My father is dying.

But most importantly...dad,

I love you...goodbye.