"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Monday, July 7, 2014

Not a victim doesn't equal never hurt

I don't know how to go about this post. I just got done posting about not being a victim, and fighting through the hard times in life. But sometimes...people just know how to tear you apart. They literally know how to hurt you deeply, and it doesn't bother them to do so. They attack you for the things that my case, your father and the children that you've lost. And damn hurts more than words can say.

You can rise above it. You can ignore it to the best of your ability. You can fight like hell to keep your head above water and not let shitty people hurt you. You can choose to NOT be a victim. But break. Sometimes it hurts so effing bad that you don't know how to function...let alone fight against it.

I'm in a situation right now that sucks. There's no better way to put it. As someone that'd think I could express myself better. But I can't right now. It's just horrible. I'm being blamed for a decision I made. A decision I had to make to protect myself...and for that matter my family. I had to end a friendship based on decisions someone else made. And it was is horrible. There is someone that has been attacking me for 7 years now. I don't understand it now, and I probably never will. Someone that just feels the need to stoop as low as possible, and attack me for things they know will hurt me. Things like my previous marriage, my father, and the loss of my children.

I get being immature and saying things you don't mean. I understand flipping out and words coming out faster than you can control. But there are also people who are just cruel...and don't care how they hurt others. These people are twisted...hell my father was one of them. And right now...I'm dealing with another one. This person has been intent on not only upsetting me, but ruining parts of my life. And this person has accomplished almost everything they've set out on accomplishing.

Now I'm being harassed. Messages and texts from people I used to consider family saying how terrible I am...because they have no idea of the entire story. And that sucks. I have tried to defend myself. For entirely too long...and I'm past the point of being able to do it anymore. Which automatically means this is my fault. I'm the one that doesn't care, and I'm the one who is hurting other people. It doesn't matter that I effectively haven't slept in two days, and have cried every day for a week over something that I had to do.

I'm usually the girl that tries to take the high road. That tries to ignore shitty people. But sometimes not being the victim, and not attacking other people...also means that you hit a breaking point. You hit the point where you can no longer fight a fight that you are outnumbered in. I learned that 10 years ago, and I seem to be learning it all over again. But it doesn't hurt any less the second time around.

In fact, it might be worse.

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