I haven't been fair to myself lately...or to anyone else in my life. I have gotten unbelievably caught up in the stressful things and people around me...instead of all the amazing things that are happening.
I need to write more. I know it. I think of all these things I want to say...and then instead of sitting down and getting them out...I stuff them. I get irritable and then lose my mind.
This past weekend I cleaned the house for over 15 hours over two days. I hauled my pregnant behind into every nook and cranny and fixed everything I could find. I decorated, organized, swept, dusted, scrubbed, steam cleaned...all of it. It's quite possible you could eat off any surface in the house...hell you could probably conduct a surgical procedure with how sterile every surface is.
And I have to say...I felt like a badass when I finished. I felt like things in my life were finally under control. It's amazing how just getting everything situated inside...made all of the other things in life seem easier to handle. Hell, I even washed the inside and outside of my car.
No matter where I look in my house or car...things are under control. Suddenly it seems easier to get everything else under control.
I feel like sometimes I forget that calming myself and getting my nerves under control can be something so simple Starting at the bottom. Cleaning was tiring...but not "hard." And it changed so much going on in my head.
This next year is going to be amazing. I spend so much time stressing over every little thing that I don't realize how "freak-out" excited I should be. I plan a vacation...and I countdown to it for months. I get more and more excited as it gets closer.
Next year I am having a baby girl. I am getting married. Not to mention a few other little changes that will be happening that haven't quite been finalized. This next year...is going to be completely amazing. But instead of counting down in excitement...I am panicking more and more. I am wondering how the heck we are going to afford it all...how we are going to work out childcare...how we are going to get along while we are both stressing...it's all worry.
Until now. I'm starting my countdown, I'm starting my excitement. I'm focusing on positive things...because I refuse to accept that anything going on should be stressing me out.
Everything is amazing. I could not be happier with the man I get to spend the rest of my life with. Our little girl is healthy...and is going to be the cutest thing in the world (just look at her daddy). Our wedding is planned...and it's going to be perfect even when things fall apart (which they are bound to do). I have good friends here for me. Life is good.
And my house is clean.