It's the smell...the noise...the momentary lapse in your brain that you remember everything.
You remember the screaming and the hell. You remember all of the bad.
You don't know why the memories chose that moment to come through...but the reality is that they come back ten fold.
I was standing at the sink tonight when my dad's cologne came through. The window was open...but that was a smell I haven't experienced in over ten years. It came back STRONG. It made my heart beat a little faster, and my instant reaction was to check the back door. It made me nervous. It made me uncomfortable. It made me question everything in the house for a moment.
He's gone. Has been for years. But those triggers are very much alive.
There was no one there. Obviously nothing was wrong...the cologne was a figment of my own neurotic stress.
Never doubt someone when they talk about their triggers. You have no idea how easily a noise, smell, overall "feeling" can slam someone like a freight train.
It's been a rough few weeks.