Sitting here at my desk, trying to eat lunch...and suddenly something is terribly wrong.
I mean sweat on the back of my neck, heart racing, watching the doorway, heavy chest...something is really really wrong.
Ever had that feeling when your intuition is SCREAMING that you need to DO something? Someone is hurt, you forgot something really important, one of your kids is in danger? Or the feeling when you see a car flying through a red light headed right towards you?
That's the feeling we're talking about. Without the ability to process fight or flight. Frozen with that feeling.
Here's the thing. I function REALLY well under extreme stress. To the point that when I'm not super stressed out...my body doesn't know how to work the right way. When something is truly wrong...I can handle it. I can handle it calmly and am the first to fix an emergency. Ask anyone that knows me. Serious problem? Katt's got it covered.
Minor issues, basic overall stress level? I'm a mess. My body LITERALLY doesn't know how to function in a way that isn't rush/panic mode. My adrenaline likes to kick into hyper drive for NO apparent reason.
It's like the sitcom you love...everything is going so well for all of the characters, must be time to add some drama.
This phenomenon creates a break between my body and my brain. My body is PANICKED. It doesn't know why. I don't know why. It just is. It is screaming "RUN! EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE! GO FIX IT. HURRY!"
Meanwhile my brain is sitting over here like "What the hell dude. Nothing is wrong. CHILL. For real...stop being such a drama queen."
Unfortunately...my brain and body don't communicate very well.
It creates this inner clash that confuses all of my senses. A horrible rush that will suddenly let down. And when it does...tears. Almost always. Let me remind you again...there is typically no reason for it. No logical explanation for why I freaked out in the first place, and nothing to "cry about." But when your body gets that massive shot of a hormone out of nowhere, and then it's just gone...there's a huge gap in your consciousness.
I usually get really foggy afterwards. Have a hard time concentrating, get really exhausted. The whole ordeal takes a lot out of a person.
Now what's my point of posting this?
Remember patience. We have no idea what battles other people are fighting internally. If you know someone who ever has a weird behavior and they tell you to leave them alone...do it. Have a conversation about it when they aren't actively going through it. Make sure you know what they need...so you can let them process in their own time.
It is so hard and so tiring when these things happen. It's remarkably hard to get moving again with any shred of sanity.
Just because you can't see it...doesn't mean it's not happening. Just because the person isn't huffing into a bag and rocking back and forth in a corner...doesn't mean they aren't struggling. A panic attack isn't what they show in the movies...where someone starts screaming and shaking. I've had a few that honestly just feel like a heart attack that lingers for ten minutes. Thank God the people in my life know by now...and give me time to reset.
Learn about each other. Patience.
Don't ever ever ever judge or chastise someone for something that you don't understand.