It took me days to figure out what I was going to name this blog. It seemed a little ridiculous…putting so much thought into the name. But I needed a name that explained everything I was working on, everything I’d been through, and everything I wanted to say. I’d spent years of my life not believing anything that anyone told me. I doubted people’s intentions, I questioned the trust I’d once had for my loved ones, and I didn’t have any idea what the future could possibly have for me. Nothing ever seemed to go my way after all…I had become a skeptic of life, love, and fate.
At the same time as all that…I was the most gullible person you’ll ever meet. I was the never-ending believer in my dad. Every time I saw something that I knew was wrong…I swept it under the rug. I would build myself up so strong, and finally get the courage to walk away from the person hurting me…just to hear that typical “Honey I’m so sorry…you’re my life…and I’d never do anything to hurt you…”. Or I’d get the teary phone call that just tore my heart to pieces. The person crying for forgiveness and promising to get help. The person denying all wrong, and blaming the downfalls on their “illness”. And you can’t be mad at someone who’s sick right?
I was a complete mess. Believing the people who hurt me, and pushing away the ones who just wanted to help. Confusion, frustration, and uncertainty. Not the kind of world I ever saw for myself.
But this blog isn’t necessarily about what or who I was. It is in part…but it’s also much bigger than that. In order to change who you were…you have to decide who you’re going to be. You have to go through your own “recovery” process. Through trial and error, a strong support system, and an even stronger backbone…you can “remodel” yourself, so to speak.
So that’s me. A recovering skeptic. A girl just trying to find her way through this crazy thing called life. Learning how to believe again, and learning how to trust herself for the first time.I can be reached on this blog, or at my email firstname.lastname@example.org at any time.