"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Monday, June 23, 2014

It's Superman's birthday

32 years ago something really huge happened in my life...and I wasn't even born yet. 32 years ago my other half was born. The most amazing, beautiful man I've ever met came into this world and started causing chaos (I'm sure from day 1).

Nick is my rock. He is my best friend, the true "other half" of me. He is my protector, even when I'm too stubborn to admit that I could use protecting. He is my voice of reason when I completely lose my sanity. He is my calming force when my head is spinning off in circles. Other than my family, he is the only person in my life that supports everything I do, and always has my best interest at heart. He puts everyone else first. His family, his daughter, his works himself harder than anyone else I know...just to make sure other people are taken care of.

June 24th...this world gained an angel. I gained a best friend, and someone to build a life with. His daughter and hopefully our future children gained one of the best fathers in this world.

Words really can't say how special and perfect he is to me. In a strange way he saved my life 2 years ago. He rebuilt my confidence, and taught me how to be loved by someone in a healthy way. He showed me that someone can have a crazy past...and change their life when the time is right. He taught me how to laugh again...and always seems to know when I need a 3 am giggle fight. Or to talk his ear off...and goodness gracious does that poor man have to listen to me sometimes...

Sometimes life has this strange plan...and it plans things extremely far in advance. In my started planning 32 years ago when Superman was born.

But now...Superman lives at my house. Happy Birthday handsome. I adore you more than you know.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Father's Day...I don't like you

                Can I just say that my life is completely insane? Seriously…even when it “slows down” it’s still out of hand. I have to also mention that the journey I have gone through in the last two years is astonishing to me. Has anyone heard of the new app “Timehop”? Well…I started using it, and it’s some strange twist between entertaining and disturbing.

Today for example:

1 year ago- Nick and I took a carload of kids (his daughter, her friends, my brother) and took off to a waterpark for the weekend while he was home on leave. Life was good, I wasn’t working for a while, had the summer off from school, and we had just “moved in” together.

2 years ago- I was posting from my office at almost 9pm because I was a workaholic, and trying to help my boss get her company off the ground. I lived at my aunt and uncle’s house, and was trying to rebuild my own life slowly. I also bartended at night, and didn’t have any interest in going back to school. Oh, and I was a party girl…big time.

3 years ago- I was complaining about LeBron and quoting random Auntie Mame movie scenes…who really knows what was going on…

4 years ago- Married, working nights in pretty crappy jobs, was struggling to get by, and lived in an apartment with my ex-husband and two roommates.

                But then we have now. School, new house, work full time in a good job (that makes me nuts but you win some you lose some), and Nick “just” got home. Don’t get me wrong…I love it. But this week has been such a blur I can barely think straight. Midterms…crazy deadline at work…about 3-4 days that Nick and I didn’t see each other for more than an hour or so because our work schedules were complete opposites. IT SUCKED. I was damn close to miserable during some of it…not enough sleep, too much coffee, not eating (for lack of time in the day, not something intentional)…I truly thought I was going to lose my mind. There may have been a moment that I asked my boss for hazard pay in order to protect my mental state…
                But see here’s the thing…sometimes I feel like I have no room to complain about things…because when other people do I imagine rolling my eyes at them (or sometimes I actually roll them). In comparison to other times…my life is kickass. No seriously…compared to the shit I’ve seen and dealt with…a messy house really isn’t that big of a freaking deal. My boss being an ass, is not worth the sweat off my brow. Not seeing Nick for a few days…well we all know how I feel about that. 16 hours? Damn. BETTER THAN 16 MONTHS! I might complain, but I can put it in perspective.

                Basically in advance…I’m apologizing to anyone that I irritate with my complaining. And it’s probably true that I should think before I speak…and I should be more thankful for the things that are going well in my life. THAT BEING SAID…I’m going to keep complaining. I’ve mentioned before…I don’t sugar coat things. If things suck today…they may or may not be better tomorrow. It won’t ruin me, it won’t screw up my life…it will just suck for a little bit…and eventually it will get better.
                Now here’s where all of this is really going. Guess what this weekend is? It’s National Drink-a-lot-of-wine Weekend!!! Ok not really. It’s Father’s Day. A wonderful day meant to honor the amazing dads in this world. Step dads, foster dads, adoptive dads, biological dads…or for that matter uncles, grandpas, or MOMS that had to be dads. Kinda like mine.

                I’ve been blessed with some amazing fathers in my life. Grandpas, my phenomenal uncles, and let’s be honest…a saint of a mother. No seriously…dealing with me for the last 23 years, I kind of wonder how she didn’t have to have us both committed. And then the amazing man in my life. The man who has truly completed my life, and has made me a better person. The person who has given me a reason to truly honor someone on Father’s Day.

                With that said. I won’t lie and dance around while rainbows fly outta my ass. FATHER’S DAY SUCKS. It lurks in the back of my head for weeks before, and a few days after. I see the cards in the store and hear all the ads on the radio and it makes me want to scream. “If you could give the best dad anything in the world for Father’s Day what would it be?”

…um…nothing…cuz I don’t know him…

                There’s this “fun” thing they’re doing on the radio station I listen to every morning (conveniently during my drive to work) where the one DJ goes around the city and asks people funny questions about their dads. I like to make up witty responses to them. Can I just say thank the Lord no one can hear me in my car…
                I am THRILLED for people who still have their fathers. And again, I will gladly honor the men in my life that have demonstrated pure love to me for all of my life. I will nothing but pleasant (the best I can) and act like nothing is wrong this weekend. Because it’s not about dwelling on the crap, it’s about pushing past the hurt and the frustration, and finding things to be happy about.

                But it still sucks. Not only is my father dead…he was a real crappy example of a dad. And that’s being nice. There’s this saying…”any man can be a father but it takes a loving man to be a dad”. Yea…so my father…

                I’m going to try and be nice here. I’m going to put the most positive spin on it that I can…because I’m crabby and need to find some good things to focus on. So in honor of Father’s Day…here are some things that I couldn’t have learned without my father (well and my mother’s advice/paying for intensive therapy)…

-You don’t have to be an asshole to be a parent. No really…you don’t. But you also don’t have to be your kid’s friend. Actually…if you become their friend before age 22…you’re probably doing it wrong.

-Life isn’t about having money. It’s about finding something your passionate about and throwing your life into it. Whether that is your child, your spouse, your hobby, your job, your pet raccoon…it really doesn’t matter. Just go balls to the wall and love the crap out of it.

-Never put your child down. No matter what, no excuses. You will do more damage that you will ever truly understand. Criticize…constructively. Scold…appropriately. Calm the hell down before you say anything to them when you’re mad. Because once those nasty words come out of your mouth…they’re not going back in.

-Drugs are bad…mkay?

-Don’t ever stress about weight. Weight isn’t the issue, health is. Go nuts on ice cream once a week, eat cookie dough out of the tub, drink pop on special occasions. Enjoy what you eat. Cook at home, go to dinner, or get delivery. But then go play outside. Ride bikes, chase the dog, go for a walk, play tag…just do SOMETHING. Hell, go run past the hot neighbor 4 times just so they’ll look at you. Make it fun.

-DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. It’s your life. But be aware of the consequences. Be informed, and make the best decisions given the information you have. However, don’t listen to other people.

-Let kids experience things. They are not some glass knick knack on the shelf…so don’t go wrapping them in bubble paper. Kids need to do scary things sometimes to learn that the world isn’t going to hurt them at every turn. If you can’t take risks…neither will they. And that’s a really sad way to live life.

-Education is really important…no really…more important than you think. And not just for a salary later on in life. Holy cow if only I’d listened to my mother when she told me to knock my degree out when life was easy…

-Let kids be kids. They’re going to break things. They’re going to roll around in mud. They’re going to do things inappropriate. It could be annoying, but it can also be freaking hilarious. Stop being so mad and get over it. Enjoy it.

-That thing…whatever it is…that you hoped your kid didn’t see? They did. They will remember. And they will probably tell people when you least want them to.

-Manipulating people will backfire. Maybe not right away…but it will. Even if only when you realize that you have no honest relationships in your life, and in reality…you’re all alone.

-People are going to hate you. They’re going to criticize you. Probably all of the time. You can’t please everyone, you never have and you never will. My father used to infuriate my mother and she brushed it off with such grace and I always wondered how. He was a real rat…but she would walk away and count to 3…and then that was it (at least in front of me). That always blew my mind. He would insult her, and she wouldn’t give it a second glance. Now as an adult…I’m sure it hurt her sometimes. But she didn’t show it. And it taught me to respond to insults with the big old middle finger. Don’t like me? Take a hike. It’s taken me 23 years to truly love and respect myself…I don’t have that kind of time to convince you what I’m worth. Nor do I really care to.

                Now here’s the big one. Like the big kahunas that I got from life around my father (and again my mother’s influence)…
No seriously sweetheart. Right now. The freight train that just blindsided you and knocked you into next week? Peel yourself off the tracks and hobble your butt wherever you need to go to start over. It’s not that bad. It’ll get better. Whatever the big stumbling block is that you’re dealing with…it’ll go away eventually. And if it doesn’t…it’ll kill you! I know…morbid. But if life is THAT terrible that something is going to kill you…would you rather enjoy it while it lasts, or mope around about it? So I’ll say it again. Get. Up. And when the next big train comes around…either move or peel yourself up again once it flattens you. It’s still gonna be ok. I promise.

                Alright I’m done preaching. Now that I’ve given all this life advice (if that’s what you want to call it)…here’s a perfect way to draw this post to a close. Let’s get silly…with a puppy…playing with the big bad lemon.

Yes this is my dog. And yes he is mentally unstable…takes after his momma.
(Please excuse the giggling and sometimes shaky camera…it was REALLY freaking funny)