Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't talk about the things that have happened in the past. It opens me up to a lot of crap from people. Whether it's being called a liar, other names, or just being judged harshly for my life experiences. I worry that putting details out there just gives negative people more ammo to use against me. And about 50% of the time, it does backfire. But I don't write this for those people. I write it for me, and for the few people that it does help.
If I had a dime for every time someone said that I was making up these life experiences...I could quit my job and just write this blog full time. Hell, I could write it on my own private island. But I'm lucky to say that for the first time...it's starting to not bother me anymore. A year ago I would have spent days dwelling in the things that people say. Someone comparing me to my monster of a father would have torn me to pieces, and would have shaken the little bit of strength I had. Now...things are starting to roll off a lot faster. It stings to hear negative things...as I think it does for everyone. But perspective kicks in a lot faster.
"Those in glass houses are quite typically the first to throw stones." It's a twist on the common quote we've all heard, but it was the first thing my coworker said to me the other day when I was venting. And it's kind of perfect for what I was stressing about.
I needed to take a step back. Consider the source of the negativity and harsh words. Someone I used to look up to, and someone I thought was there to protect me. But clearly that wasn't the case...because words like that would never come from a place of love.
No one is perfect, and no one knows everything about someone else.
My life is massively out in the open, ready for judgment. But that's my own choosing. I chose to write for myself, and when it started to get the feedback it did...I chose to change it from anonymous to very open.
And despite shitty people...
I'm really glad I did.
Part of writing this blog was to encourage people to talk about the hard stuff. To stop being so damn afraid of WORDS from other people. And to stop hiding the horrible feelings that come when your life blows up in your face.
I have been called a liar. I have been called a narcissist. I have been called a horrible person, and a pathetic daughter. I've been told that I am a useless sister, a bad friend, and a selfish granddaughter. I have had people say that private life information should be kept private. I've been told that I shouldn't say the things that I do because it hurts other people.
But all of those people saying those things...are part of the problem.
Why shouldn't I talk about it? Because it makes THEM uncomfortable? Because THEY don't believe me? Because THEY don't want to read it?
All quick fixes. They don't have to read it.
There are some things that are still buried deep, that I can't put out there for the public to read. And it's not because of the impending judgment...but because I don't want to hurt family members who may not know what happened. It's taken a long time just to get to where I am now. I have no idea how long it will take to have the guts to put the rest of it out there. But it will happen some day.
"Those in glass houses are quite typically the first to throw stones."
I really need to remember that. And I need to watch my own glass house by not throwing any stones myself.
When things get to be too much, and that quote isn't working for me...there's one other thing that helps...
But worst case scenario...I just blog about it :)
Happy Friday loves