"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Thursday, February 26, 2015

I'm glad my parents got divorced

I know that someone is going to get all mad about this post and take it the wrong let me preface it by saying I am NOT condoning divorce...nor am I encouraging people to give up on marriage.

That being said...

Here's something you don't hear very often: I'm glad my parents got divorced.

Most kids dream for years of their divorced parents getting back together and having that happy little "family". They get a picture in their head of this perfect life...a picture that is essentially unobtainable.

I never have that thought as a kid. Sure, I wanted my mom to fall head over heels for some rich guy that would be my new dad...but I never wanted my parents to get back together. Had my father been a good person, it may have different. As it stands however, I'm amazingly thankful that my mom had the courage and excuse my language...but the "balls" to get the hell out of that marriage.

I got married at 19. Not one of my finer moments in life.

I got married to someone that I wasn't happy with. Someone that lied and cheated for the first 3 years of our relationship. But little miss daddy issues over here was still determined to marry him. Shockingly enough, after about a year and half...the relationship imploded and lead to one very messy divorce.

Here's where my original post comes through. Had I grown up in a situation where my mother had stayed married to a horrible man (and I'm not comparing my ex husband to my father)...I wouldn't have had the strength to walk around from a bad situation. Had I watched my mother put up with unhappiness for my entire life...I would have settled for my own situation.

I wish I could have stayed married...and I wish my parents could have as well. But the reality is that in this society...not every marriage is destined to work. People rush relationships, they settle because they don't think they can ever have better, and they don't use their best judgment.

My parents rushed (my bad), my ex and I rushed...and it ended in disaster.

The night I decided I needed a divorce (I still remember where I was sitting at that moment), I was scared to tell my mother that I had failed at the thing she had disapproved of so vocally. I was terrified of being judged, hearing "I told you so," and of being stereotyped as just another stupid teen (which I was clearly).

I texted her that night and simply asked "when did you know you needed to get divorced?" Honestly, I don't remember her answer. All I remember was her telling me that it was okay, and that it didn't make me less of a person. She made me feel supported and strong...and capable of taking on the world. She unintentionally reassured me that I could truly "start over" clearly she had been able to do it (with a child might I add).

I don't always make good decisions. I'm influenced too often by the scars left from my father. But I'm lucky enough to have an imperfect family. A mom willing to admit defeat and get out of a bad situation. People surrounding me who believe in second chances and forgiveness.

I learned from my mistakes and I watched my mother grow from hers.


  1. So well written, Kat!! I love this!! I remember a temporary moment wishing my parents would get back together, but I too have been thankful my parents divorced.

  2. Our perceptions in life depends upon our experiences and situations. In your case, it's really better that your parents got divorced, rather than having a complete family in one house that is full of misery. No one will be given a perfect life, but we can always find ways to escape and survive from a bad situation. You are such a strong person, Katt, and I admire you for that. Thanks for sharing your story! All the best to you!

    Christine Bradley @ West Green Family Law

  3. We can never tell the future of every relationship that we will be in. There are times that situations get worst until the only option left is ending it. I believe that you and your Mom are really brave people for facing those life challenges, and what's important is that you learned from all of those. Always stay strong, Katt! I'm sure good things will come your way.

    Joanne Krueger @ Kurtz And Blum

  4. In my first marriage, I tried hard to stick it out for the children. Eventually, I realized that was doing nothing but hurting all involved. In situations like this, divorce is the best option to eliminate emotional damage, which you will carry with you throughout your life. That leads to rushed relationships, which is exactly what happened to your marriage. Still, it's good that you have rather positive reaction to this. I wish you the best!

    Gilbert @ McCormick Divorce & Family Law