"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Be the key. Not the prison guard.

"Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else's prison."

I read that quote today and my heart ached for a moment. I posted on Facebook less than a week ago about how speaking out about your past is a blessing for other people. I said I would never stop telling the stories from my past because the possibility of the stories helping others...far outweigh the negativity.

I can't count the number of times I've been told to "stop seeking attention" or to "keep private information private." It's gotten really old and there have been times I have really considered taking down the blog. I get sick of being mocked and being an easy target.

Lately anyone who follows the page has probably noticed I haven't posted at all. Part of that is being crazy busy. Work, school, baby, wedding, moving...we are stretched thin. But the other part of that is exhaustion. Negativity drains a person.

I find myself re-reading posts thirty times and then not posting them because I think about what some ignorant person is going to say about it.

That stops now. Negativity? Bring it on. The quote I posted really says it all. I needed to read that. For the 200 people saying nasty things...there may be 2 that you help. You may provide comfort and understanding to 1 person who was feeling lost alone and confused.

By far it's worth it.

If you are one being negative...I encourage you to stop. I encourage you to use all that negative energy for something good instead. Build somebody up instead of hiding behind your own insecurities.

Maybe something horrible has happened to you. Put it out there. Allow yourself to heal, allow yourself to connect to others experiencing it, allow yourself to become the support to someone else who needs it.

If we had more people speaking out...we would have more people healing.

I will say it again..."YOUR story may be the key that unlocks someone else's PRISON."

Don't be a skeptic. Be in recovery.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Presence...not presents

I'm sure this post will make more enemies than usual...but it needs to be said.

I got an email this morning from a family member who offered a savings bond for Emmalynne. This family member typically has no interest in being involved in my life...let alone my life with Nick or munchkin. This family member has made no effort to care about us or the life we are building. There is a long history between myself and my father's side of the I can't say that it shocks me there is so much distance.

But back on track. My first reaction was to agree to this savings bond as it would do so much for little one in the future. It would be great to have that money sitting for her as she heads off to college or buys her first house. But there is absolutely no way. I don't want our daughter to have a big fat check of guilt money. I want her to have family. I would prefer a million times over for her to struggle through college (or for us to struggle helping her) than have her live comfortably with money from someone who couldn't care less about her.

I want to be clear that this goes for everyone in our lives. Friends, family...everyone. If you don't want to be present in our child's life...we don't want your presents.

Maybe that sounds ungrateful or like I'm a spoiled brat. But I never want our child to learn that love is expressed through money or gifts. It is expressed through involvement and through actions. It is unconditional. NO matter what.

It is NOT expressed through savings bonds, checks, or expensive gifts.

And on another note...there are two children in this household. No matter the biological status, legal status, etc of them. They are both our children. Whether it be biological, step, adopted, foster...the children in this home will be treated equally. No excuses, no "buts" about it. If you have no interest in building a relationship with don't need to be involved with Emma. And that's the end of that.

Now after being so negative...I do want to mention how awesome most of my family has been with this. My family asks about both kids all the time. They want to be actively involved and they have been since day 1. We are blessed to have people that love our children. We are lucky to be in a family that has multiple step/adopted/equally loved kids running around.

They call and ask about the kids. They ask us to stop by, or they do their best to attend functions like ice skating lessons and karate class. They are present.