"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Presence...not presents

I'm sure this post will make more enemies than usual...but it needs to be said.

I got an email this morning from a family member who offered a savings bond for Emmalynne. This family member typically has no interest in being involved in my life...let alone my life with Nick or munchkin. This family member has made no effort to care about us or the life we are building. There is a long history between myself and my father's side of the I can't say that it shocks me there is so much distance.

But back on track. My first reaction was to agree to this savings bond as it would do so much for little one in the future. It would be great to have that money sitting for her as she heads off to college or buys her first house. But there is absolutely no way. I don't want our daughter to have a big fat check of guilt money. I want her to have family. I would prefer a million times over for her to struggle through college (or for us to struggle helping her) than have her live comfortably with money from someone who couldn't care less about her.

I want to be clear that this goes for everyone in our lives. Friends, family...everyone. If you don't want to be present in our child's life...we don't want your presents.

Maybe that sounds ungrateful or like I'm a spoiled brat. But I never want our child to learn that love is expressed through money or gifts. It is expressed through involvement and through actions. It is unconditional. NO matter what.

It is NOT expressed through savings bonds, checks, or expensive gifts.

And on another note...there are two children in this household. No matter the biological status, legal status, etc of them. They are both our children. Whether it be biological, step, adopted, foster...the children in this home will be treated equally. No excuses, no "buts" about it. If you have no interest in building a relationship with don't need to be involved with Emma. And that's the end of that.

Now after being so negative...I do want to mention how awesome most of my family has been with this. My family asks about both kids all the time. They want to be actively involved and they have been since day 1. We are blessed to have people that love our children. We are lucky to be in a family that has multiple step/adopted/equally loved kids running around.

They call and ask about the kids. They ask us to stop by, or they do their best to attend functions like ice skating lessons and karate class. They are present.

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