I feel lost a lot lately. I am constantly running and trying to keep everyone on track.
Between the kids, the house, school, work, my business...girl can't keep anything straight.
It's a hard thing to constantly feel like you are failing in every aspect. Teachers tell you to get really good at a couple of things...they tell you to emphasize your strengths. They tell you NOT to try and do it all...because that's just not possible.
Part of me loves it. I work best in the face of adversity and stress. The things that I can accomplish on a day to day basis when I have to...is nothing short of ridiculous.
But I'm not really happy. I feel like I'm always drowning...and my child isn't getting the best version of me that she could. She deserves better and I deserve better.
I've been thinking that maybe it is time for me to lose myself...but intentionally. Maybe it's time to take off some of the ridiculous pressure to be perfect. Lose the extra stress and expectations...to try and learn how to just exist again. I don't know how to relax...I don't know how to just quietly be happy with the little things.
More park visits with my girl. Less cleaning.
More coffee with friends. Less working through lunch breaks.
More time with family. Less constant refreshing of my email.
It's not my job to take care of everyone all the time. It's not my responsibility to make sure everyone is happy at all times.
I'll do what I can.
But not at the expense of ME.