February

February has been a horrendous month for this household.

There are a lot of things going on that we can't really talk about. We are fine, kids are fine...just a lot of stress that is exhausting. Sometimes it feels that you finally start making progress, and then all hell breaks loose.

It's not one big thing...just a lot of little things that are piling together and getting overwhelming.

I was feeling really overwhelmed tonight. Angry about some of our circumstances, exhausted, and sad about things I can't control.

I've been binge watching Grey's Anatomy and an episode came on about a couple losing their baby. They had no control over their situation and there was nothing they could do to help their own child.

I cried watching it...but it also reminded me to be incredibly thankful. Not only for being out of the circumstances I used to be in...but also for these tiny humans. I was given the things I never thought I would get.

And even in my worst moments...I have to remember that they are my "why."

Today was a bad day

Tire wall was punctured. Big bill.

Dogs were attacked by a neighbor's wandering dog in our yard.

Kids were crabby. Sleep was nonexistent.

But I was reminded of something really important today.

I have had the same doctor for over 20 years...and she is now the doctor for my husband and our kids as well. From the day they are born...she sees us all.

At baby's one month appointment today...our doctor got emotional. She started talking about how she had been thinking about how my life had changed...and how amazing things were finally getting. She saw me through hell with my father. She saw me through infertility struggles. She saw me through a nasty divorce...and a subsequent few years of depression. 

But then she saw me meet the man I then married. She saw us bring two beautiful girls into this world. She saw us succeed, finish school, and plan for a future.

On a terrible day...she changed my perspective. She reminded me that things have been so terrible in the past...and that they are so amazing now. She reminded me that I am beyond blessed and have more than I ever thought I would have. 

But she also showed me yet again that there are more people in our lives that love us. More than I realize sometimes. 

We are so very very lucky.

Today was a bad day. But it is a really good life.