I have been a spaz lately…and completely incapable of forming any kind of intellectual post. I’m not sure what’s going on in my head…but I haven’t gotten the urge to write like I always used to. Granted I have a few papers laying around with ideas jotted down on them from being bored at work or in class. But even once I look back on them with time to write…suddenly my mind goes blank. All of my philosophical thoughts go right out the window along with the rest of my sanity. I’ve thought about making this like homework…and forcing myself to write during a certain time every day/week. But I also don’t want to do that to myself. This blog was for my own journey…and I can’t force thoughts to come. So I’m going to try a new way to go about this. I found my “Today a Better Way” book yesterday while I was cleaning, and was browsing through it. It suddenly got me wanting to write about topics in it. So the new plan…flip to a random page, and then go with whatever it sparks. There’s a page for every day…so this could keep me busy for months to come J
I hold myself to a high standard that my posts have to be long, and full of stories, deep thoughts, etc. But in reality, sometimes I just want to post “Today sucked. I missed my dad. I cried.” Because some days…that’s really all I can think about because I’m so tired. I was reading a post today about people who “Fakebook”…basically they make their lives look AMAZING on Facebook…when in reality, they haven’t showered in two days, and their house is in shambles (oh wait…that’s me…whatever). You get my point. I realized that in a way I was doing that with this blog. The point again of this blog…is to get my thoughts out…give people the real deal. And the truth is…maybe I’m finding it so hard to write because I’m holding myself to this standard that is just completely ridiculous. Some days, I’m not going to have anything to write about. Some days, it takes everything I have just to get out of bed because the grief is still so strong. So from here on out…this blog is taking a turn. I’m writing what I think, when I think it, and I’m giving up caring about what people “want” to ready about.