"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or can only be accepted."

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The final steps 10, 11, 12

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
                Well we’d done the inventory once. We understood our faults, and what exactly it was that we did wrong. We understood what reactions were inappropriate…yet sometimes we still fall back on those defects. While everything else seemed to calm down in our heads…until suddenly the addict did something that sent us right back to where we started. We found ourselves waiting up again, or checking all over the house for a secret stash of drugs. But the difference was this time we understood we were doing something wrong. We are always changing though, and have to keep up with a personal inventory to be sure we aren’t letting ourselves slip into our old ways.
                Every day, every hour even…we should be thinking about the things we’ve said and done…and if there’s something we should be doing better. Getting more in touch with our feelings, and being more open to change is the only way to continue on the path to our recovery.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
                Prayer and meditation had become our chance to be “alone”. It was our time to ignore everything going on around us, and focus on what we needed to do to succeed in our recovery. It was a time to focus on just us, and work on making ourselves better people. As we got more in tune with ourselves and whatever our higher power was, we learned a better way to live. We learned how to save ourselves from the frustration we’d become so accustomed to. We had come a long way, and keeping in touch with our inner selves, and whatever our higher power was, kept us from falling back into old habits. Routinely reconnecting kept US from relapsing.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
                We were once in a very scary place. We had no where left to turn and truly felt that we were alone in the world. We had once felt that no one could help, and had refused the help that other’s had tried to give us. And now look at us. Our lives certainly weren’t perfect, and we still had the same problems we’d had before we started. But we had changed. It was time to get out there and share our story. Our story of recovery…in hopes that someone else would want the same peace we now felt.

So I guess that’s what I’m doing here. I know there are people everywhere struggling with the same things I used to. Hell…the things I still struggle with. And while I might not get the attention of anyone…there’s a chance I might get someone’s. And if one person gains something from anything I say…I consider that a blessing. Living with addiction is scary and lonely…and no one should have to feel like that, no matter the circumstances. Sure there are some stories that I’m sure people will read purely for the “entertainment” value…but this is more about learning about what’s out there. There are so many ways to get help, and so many places to find support. But there’s also a lot to learn. This world is certainly not perfect, and there are some crazy things going on behind closed doors. Just wait…I’ve got lots to tell you about.

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