Quite a bit has happened in the last two weeks. Along with the normal work, coaching, etc…there’s been quite a few random things to prepare for. First…trial is this month. 2 weeks from yesterday to be specific. It’s starting to freak me out a little bit. I know it probably shouldn’t…but at the same time, I know it’s only going to get worse once it comes time to actually go down to Florida.
Maybe I’m completely crazy for wanting to go to this thing. I probably am. But I am so ready to finally see him get locked up. While I know there’s a chance he’ll get away with it…I’m praying he won’t. I’m praying that there will finally be some justice in this “justice” system. It’s hard to say if it’s false hope, it probably is. But either way…I’m definitely going. I need to prove to myself that I CAN go.
On another note…the other big news has to do with this blog…and the newspaper. One of the reporter’s at the local paper was doing an article on the rise of a need for support groups for children that suffered domestic violence. I did an interview for it this week…and the article will come out on Sunday. It was a little terrifying to know that my face and name are about to be out there (as everything on this blog has been anonymous so far…well minus the people that know me personally). But at the same time, it’s a liberating feeling. Part of the problem with domestic violence is the fact that no one will talk about it. Everyone’s afraid of either the repercussions, or the idea that people will look down on them. I can’t tell you how many times people have seen me as “weaker” than a “normal” person because I went through the things I did. They assume I can’t handle myself or the struggles I face.
In reality…all of those people couldn’t be much further off. Because of what I’ve dealt with…I’m ten times more capable of dealing with the usual stresses of life. Not to mention the harder situations. There’s nothing this life can throw at me that I haven’t been through…and made it through. Even in moments of weakness…I’m stronger than the average person.
It felt good to say everything in the interview. Talk about how anyone who’s been through situations like I was…should talk about it. It’s not something to be ashamed of, or something to hide from. It’s something you have to take head on…and learn to live with. Plus it seems like this is what I've been waiting for. This blog has gotten pretty popular quickly. But this will reach so many other people...which was the whole reason for starting this blog in the first place. I just hope it helps someone. Watch for the article this Sunday online and in the paper J
Just read your article in the New-Herald. Hang in there! I am 53 years old and have come along way...but there are days that take me right back to my youth! I'm sure you understand. The man responsible for my dysfunction has almost died twice in the last month, tho I forgive him and accept his illness, I try to imagine my response to his death. Lately, it has only been, "Let's bury the past!" Maybe that response will change if and when his death occurs. Keep on helping others, in turn, you truely do help yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy! It's a struggle dealing with the aftermath of abuse. And it's a lifelong recovery process. Totally worth it though, and I really do hope I can help someone else in the process.
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you Kat you have always been so strong and independent, and even supportive of everyone you've come know and love, i know this from experience :) we love you and always will Keep your head up and that beautiful smile on your face and show everyone who sees us as weaker that we are actually alot stronger than most "normal" people to deal with what we have and feel how we have felt takes alot more strength and courage then the average person has any idea of. love you tons girly keep writing and reaching out to those that need to hear that it is possible to work past and cope with a history like ours itll never just go away but it gets easier to handle and deal with
ReplyDelete~Jess
Depression can be depleted by not living in the past. Furthermore a spiritual balance is necessary if you want to truly live a joyful life. I try to concentrate on the fault of others; only my own falts. If you have faith in God you will find peace. If you want forgiveness for your shortfalls from God then you too must be forgiving. Life is too short to be miserable however we have choices. Nobody is perfect. Prayer is a powerful tool...we live by example. We should only judge ourselves and not others. May God bless you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI too was depressed and living in the past until I found God and became willing to do His will and not my will. I also no longer have the need for anxiety or antidepressant medication...the pills were just covering up the problems not allowing me to face my fears and or dealing with my feelings and emotions. If you have a good close relationship with God you will find happiness, love and joy. You dont have to live like this anymore. God is waiting for you but it is up to you to turn to Him. Your in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jess :) I appreciate you always being there. I love you too!
ReplyDeleteMy dad directed me to read your article in the News Herald today because he knows you from a previous address - he is the property manager from your old apartments after you were first married. He was shell shocked by finding this out and has done nothing but speak of you all day. I decided after reading the article that I was going to read through your blog here (I read every post from the start) so that I could understand a little more in order to make him understand things as well. So as I read I had tears in my eyes and as I explained to him the things that you had gone through in your young life, I cried harder. I have been lucky to have a wonderful father in my life, however my children have not been as lucky and reading what you have written I have now realized that, although we communicate a lot, we never talk about these issues and the possibilities of what this relationship or non relationship has caused. I have to commend you and give you much praise, although I don't know you I am extremely proud of who you are today and your sharing of your most private and personal tribulations. Some may not understand it but I do. I wish I could help you get to where you want to be, because like you I am a fixer. I have loved the addict in past relationships and have finally found (after years of being alone raising my children and much soul searching) someone who loves me back for a change and doesn't have the addiction problem. I can relate, even if in a different way. I wish you good luck on your up and coming closing of another chapter, I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteTina P.
Tina I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your comment. I was taking my time because I wanted to send you a longer response...and then things have been incredibly busy. Your dad is a wonderful person, was always incredibly sweet to us. I'll have to stop by soon to see him. Thank you for your kind words...it sounds like we've had some similar experiences in loving an addict. It's an incredibly heart wrenching situation...but as you know, it makes us stronger. We want to fix, but we have to learn that we can't. I hope you keep reading :)
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